200 Ways to Anger Lord Beckett
by Mrs.DeppQueenObsessorGoddess
Summary: Just what the title says! No, I don't own anything. Please R&R! these are all hopefully original ideas that I came up with. Used to be '1oo Ways..'
1. Chapter 1

**Hello and welcome to 100 Ways To Annoy Lord Beckett! First off, these are all my original ideas. I tried really hard not to copy any other "Ways to Annoy.." stories, so if I did I am truly sorry. Now, don't anybody think that because I made this I don't like Beckett, I adore the man. I love him sooo much, so don't think this is to make fun of him. I was really annoyed one night when I was writing a story and got stuck. I looked over, saw a picture of Beckett on my wall and came up with this. This is for pure fun, so no flames please. Enough of me, so R&R!!**

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Tell him your Grandma has the same wig that he does. 

Lock all his tea away in a cupboard and hide the key.

When he asks you why you did that, reply in a concerned tone "I'm cutting you off."

When he speaks to you in public, suddenly shout "ATTEMPTED RAPE!" really loud and run away.

When people accuse him of playing with dolls, get all possessive and say "They're _action figures_!"

Dress up like him and film yourself playing with dolls.

Show this video to him acting like it's him in the video and say "There _is_ therapy, you know."

Paint his nails pink while he sleeps.

While he's sleeping, take his wig and "accidentally" set it on fire.

Tell him you daydream of the both of you frolicking in a field of daises.

Send Mercer a secret admirer note admitting your "undying" love for him and sign it from Beckett.

"Accidentally" call him Captain Jack Sparrow.

When he greets you, reply with "Sup?"

Dye all his white clothes either black or pink.

When he's in an important meeting, randomly burst in crying and yelling, "You _said_ you would be a good father! How am I supposed to bring you child into this world when you beat me every other night?!? HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!? I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY SUGARLUMPKINS!!!!!"

Buy him heels for Christmas.

Sing the "Striped Sweater" song all the time, even when he's not wearing one.

Tape a sign on his back that says "I love rainbows."

Don't tell him it's there.

Tell him you know his secret. When he says he doesn't know what you are talking about, say sarcastically, "Suuuuuure you don't."

When you're talking in low voices in public, randomly shout out "I will **NOT** sell you drugs, you sick-o!!"

Throw sugar cubes at him. When he asks who did it, point to a nearby person and run away.

Run up behind him one day and say "Pardon me, miss." When he turns around, say "Oh, sorry. My bad." And walk away.

Straighten his wig. (As in with a flat iron)

Wake him up by dumping freezing water on him.

Buy him a sparkly tiara and proclaim him "Queen of the Caribbean."

Only talk in a really high pitched voice.

Put a whoopee cushion in his seat right before an important meeting.

Paint his hand while he's asleep, so when he wakes up he thinks he has "Th Black Spot".

Sell his wig on e-bay.

Sell Mercer on e-bay.

Laugh hysterically every time he says the word "intently."

Never call him Lord Beckett, only Cutler.

Run up behind him in public, force a pink purse in his hands and say "You dropped you purse a while back. I would've caught up to you sooner, but you were skipping too fast."

Put pictures of kangaroos in his office – ALL OVER.

Every time he tries to take them down, squirt him with a spray bottle and say sternly "NO!"

Knit him a terrible scarf, and when he doesn't wear it, shout "But I thought we had something – something SPECIAL!!"

Tell him he has no friends because he is so short.

Call hi pet names constantly.

Replace all his shoes with stiletto heels.

Put a worm down his shirt.

Give him a carrot every hour, make sure he eats it!

Buy him a bra.

Make him wear it.

Stuff tissues down his shirt and tell everyone that he stuffs his bra.

Make him watch High School Musical. When his eyes start to burn tell him that it's all part of the experience.

Paint him blue.

Make all of his belongings colour coated.

Make him listen to rap.

Quote Captain Jack.

Talk like a pirate.

Make him talk like one on TLAP day.

Pretend to be his conscience. Tell him to do odd things in a ghost voice while waving your arms wildly in the air.

Send him fan mail.

Sign it from his navy.

Sing really badly when he's not paying attention to you.

Make him wear a skirt.

Take a picture of him wearing it and post it on the Internet.

Lock yourself in his room and insist you won't come out until he says he loves you.

When he refuses to say that, threaten to jump out the window.

When he points out you're on the ground floor, pout and call him a meanie-stupid.

Repeat everything he says in an odd voice.

Buy him a teddy bear, name it Mercer and put it next to his pillow.

Paint "Pytratez rok!!" on his front door.

Make him watch Dora.

Give him a flying tackle hug.

Ask him if you look fat.

When he says yes, slap him across the face, call him a whore and run away.

Clip his nails and give him a French mani/pedi.

Make him wear striped knee socks.

Put on a monster mask. In the middle of the night, wake him up with it inches from his face.

Spread the rumour that he wets his bead.

Put a pair of "Grammy panties" on his hat when he's not looking.

Take a very important paper and write "Cutler loves his kitten whiskers!" all over it.

But him a flower necklace and make him wear it.

Every day when it turns 6:09, sing the Goofy Goober song. AM and PM.

Serenade him at work when he's in an important conference.

Spray him with whipped cream every time he says "king"

When he says the word "hate", force a piece of soap in his mouth and tell him "Potty talk is NOT allowed in my presence!"

Make him carry a purse with lipstick, tampons, and a brush in it.

Make him sit down and solve a Rubix cube. Don't let him move until he solves it. When he moves, make him start over no matter how close he was to finishing it.

Make him model your clothes for you.

Every day at 4pm, sing really loudly "Everything stops for tea!"

When it's Easter, dress him up as the Easter bunny and throw eggs at him.

Skip around him in circles for 3 minutes every day while singing the muffin man song.

Draw on his face with sharpie.

Teach him how to hula hoop.

Make a sock puppet and use that and only that to talk to him.

Spray hi with lilac perfume.

Video tape him doing something stupid and put it on you tube.

Set him up on a blind date.

With Mercer.

Make them go.

Before they go, fuss over Cutler and say "My little hunny-bun is growing up!!"

Follow him around and put a car freshener on everything he touches. I mean EVERYTHING.

Put an EITC flag on a dartboard and throw darts at it.

Make him a soufflé.

When he refuses to eat it, cry hysterically.

Make him a doormat out of an EITC flag.

Talk to him about your current crush and ask advice on how to talk to him.

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**Yes, that was 100 ways. You read it, so please review!! It takes two seconds, the button is right there, so what's stopping you?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello everyone! Sorry for the long wait, Holidays, school, ice skating, blah, blah. I've just been beyond busy. Comming up with another hundred ways is harder than one would think. Anyway, I don't own Pirates, The Cuttin' Corral, or (sadly) Beckett. My friend Molly also helped with a few ways. Thanks, Moll!**

**Please enjoy and review the next chapter of what is now '2oo Ways To Anger Lord Beckett'.**

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When you walk into a room with him and Mercer alone, say "Sorry! I didn't know you two were on a date!"

Get him a ribbon that says, "I can dress myself!"

Buy him a rabid armadillo.

Introduce him to the gothic style.

Make him wear black eye shadow, a black wig, black mascara, black clothing, and those black baggy pants with chains.

Make him wear a bonnet to work.

If he has a back pocket, stuff a thong in it so it's partially hanging out.

Don't tell him it's there.

Constantly talk to him about random things.

"Accidentally" lock him in his closet.

Forget he's in there.

Write over the names of his ships, preferably big ones, so they read _"The Love Boat"_ or something similar.

Replace all his clothes with dresses.

Make him wear the dresses.

Talk to him about "girl things".

Randomly slap him, curse him, hug him, and punch Mercer. When he asks you what your problem is, reply "Oh, I'm PMS-ing. You would know."

During the night, paint his face to look like an evil clown.

When someone speaks to you and Cutler in public, pinch his cheeks and say in a baby voice "Schnookums was just taking me for a wittle walkie. Right, dearest?"

Lick him.

When he asks you why you did that, reply with "You taste like an angel's kiss cascading over a beautiful sparkling blue lake. You made me all warm and fuzzy inside like I wanted to hug a teddy bear."

Ask to speak to him in private. When you two are in some remote corner, proceed to say while looking him square in the eye, "I want to let you know, dearie, that you're the light of my life. I'll always be there for you, in the good times and the bad. I'm just so happy that you're my crying shoulder. Someone I can run to, someone I can trust with my inner-most feelings."

When he gives you a strange look, laugh and say "Sorry, but I really don't like you in that way. That was from Mercer."

Bring him lunch while he's at work and say "Here's your applesauce and prune juice, your favourite!"

Make him play Barbies with you.

Make him be Barbie.

Write a play with him starring as the Twinkle Fairy.

Make a kissing scene in it with Mercer.

Make them act it out.

Post it ALL over youtube.

Give him a hoop earring in his left ear.

Ask him what he and Mercer _really_ do when they're alone.

Bake him cupcakes with laxatives in them.

Make him eat them all.

Lock all the bathrooms and "loose" the key.

Make him star in a ballet and have a recital for you and all the people of Port Royale. Make him wear tights and a tu-tu.

Enter him in a beauty pageant.

Give him a Mohawk hairstyle.

Tell him Elmo watches him while he sleeps.

When he asks you who Elmo is, reply with "Your worst nightmare."

Put a huge photo shopped picture of him and Captain Jack kissing in his office over the big map.

Make him wear a mini skirt, heels, and a low-rise top.

Take a picture of him and hand out flyers around town with that pic and the phrase "Support out insane asylums!" under it.

Bury him in the sand.

"Forget" he's there.

Scare him into thinking that his socks are stalking him.

Sing the "Mission Impossible" theme while sneaking through his office with one of his guns while he's trying to work.

Throw globs of Vaseline at him for no reason.

Make him wear a diaper.

On his head.

Give him a mullet.

Invite him to a sleepover with you and two of your friends. Watch chick-flicks, talk about boys, and paint your nails.

Make him participate.

Dress him as cupid on Valentine's Day. Make him skip around Port Royale while handing out roses to all the residents.

Make like you're going to touch him, but stop inches from his face.

When he tells you to stop, reply "I'm not toughing you!"

Randomly run around his house screaming and flailing your arms about.

Do this at 1am.

When he asks you what that was about, pause, look confused, then reply "I don't really remember…..Good night!"

Get a group of Beckett fangirls together. Go to Mercer and Beckett and ask them to tell you all where babies come from.

Make them do it.

In great detail.

Take notes

Once they finish explaining, read back all your notes to make sure you've gotten all the facts straight.

Make sure each person gets at least three wrong. Make Beckett clarify.

Give him a tattoo.

Make him dress like Captain Jack.

Tell him the Tooth Fairy isn't real, just a figment of his imagination. Apologies for crushing his boy-hood spirit.

Stuff him into a box.

Ship him to Africa.

Put his hands in water during the night so he wets his bed.

When he comes back from the bathroom in a public place, ask very loudly "Did everything come out ok?"

Buy him a pet turtle named Jim. When he asks for someone to throw it out, jump in their way and say dramatically, "NO! JIM IS YOUR SON! YOU CAN'T DENY YOUR ONE AND ONLY SON A HOME!"

When he throws it out anyway, sob and say you wish you were never born.

When he agrees with you, say "How am I supposed to live with you constantly pushing me down?!?! Why must you torment people day and night just to meet your own ends?!?" (At this point, bang your feet and hands on the floor) "I – HATE- THIS – LIFE!!!" and run out of the room.

Tell all the Beckett fangirls in the world where he lives.

"Accidentally" dump a bucket of pudding on hi when he's with a girl.

Introduce him to spandex.

Paint all his teeth black while he's asleep.

Buy him a new necktie with hot guys on it and insist they are all his boyfriends.

Make him wear a flashing hat.

Make him wear a pink thong.

Stare at him with a very weird face all day.

When he goes to get his hair cut, tell everyone he gets his hair cut at "The Cuttin' Corral."

Give his wig a perm.

Buy action figures of both him and Captain Jack. Place them on his nightstand with a note next to it that says "True Love."

Put glue in his hat right before he puts it on.

Trip hi unexpectedly.

Give his wig hot pink streaks.

Mimic him behind his back while he's talking to someone. Act like you belong in an insane asylum.

Make sure he doesn't know you're there.

Dress him in '70s clothes and take him to a roller-skating disco.

Make him participate.

Lock him in a room with a bunch of his fangirls.

Swing on a chandelier in his home.

When it breaks, say "MERCER DID IT!" and run away.

Make him wear a lampshade as a hat—insist it's the "latest fashion in London."

Make him feed your spider monkey.

Force him into a pair of pink overalls and a straw hat. Insist he's a farmer for the day.

Make him do yoga.

After all this, propose marriage.

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**Yes, this is most likely the last chapter. Unless in time I come up with more ways, this is it for now. Any suggestions and comments are greatly appreciated. I need to start working on another fanfic...Anyway, thank you for taking the time to read!!!!! I hope I made you laugh!**


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